What I experienced became a maelstrom of sublime visions from eternity, and chaotic nightmarish thoughts and hallucinations, sprinkled with instructive comments along the lines of Buddhist, Daoist, and Hindu teachings. It was sort of like being thrown into a blender set on high while someone attempts to shout universal knowledge at you while you are being shredded.

I’ll only share one of my visions that occurred that night while we walked through the bus station wherein sat a person who embodied ultimate failure, shame and degradation, an alcoholic homeless person dressed in filthy rags. In those days he would be simply thought of as a bum. Upon labeling that man, I was immediately shown a panoramic vision that displayed what seemed like millions or billions of years’ worth of past incarnations, and behind it all, I could see a being that was the true identity/soul of the man who was so vast and eternal that my comparatively small brain could in no way fully comprehend his nature or his reason for presently living such a life, yet somehow I could sense there was a valid reason.

I was shocked to my core, and this as well as other things I saw that night left me with both a mortal fear of psychedelic drugs and an embedded determination to try again in hopes of eventually having a coherent breakthrough experience that would leave me with a sense of the true purpose of existence and how the universe worked.

Over the next 4 years I took psychedelics around 20 times, but always in a sort of party setting like going to rock concerts. I never had a guide, never had a handle on set or setting, and the results were uniformly chaotic and unsatisfactory.

Then in 1971 I went to a Moody Blues concert with my friends, was given a clear capsule containing some sort of minced vegetation that was described as being mescaline, and the effects were initially felt while the opening act was getting close to being over. Then the lights were turned down, the stadium went very dark, and while the roadies were busy banging about whilst switching equipment and cables, I noticed that many of the audience members had held up and lit their butane lighters, forming a universe of points of light.

Soon, however, the lights connected with each other, forming a web of light that increasingly became imbued with overpowering malevolence as the net tightened and was clearly intent on killing me. I had always sensed a type of evil behind the “normal” hallucinations that plagued my chemical journeys, but had never before been in true fear of losing my life. I did the only thing I could, praying, “Dear God, help me! Save me!” but to no avail, as the evil entities were rushing towards me with increasing speed.

Finally, I was screaming with every atom of my being without uttering a word that anyone around me could hear, and as the lights came on and the band thundered into its opening piece, God Himself came rushing into the stadium at that instant with all of his immense power, scooping me up and throwing me into a swirling, brilliant behind-the-scenes universe that visually represented how each moment was created and how the sound was generated, melding into a type of life review that contained all of the moments of my life on a ribbon of frames, not unlike motion picture film. We went very long distances, flying about together in space, periodically zooming back into the stadium, but never departing from the music. It was an out of body/in the body type of effect, during which time my questions were all answered and I was showered with universal knowledge and love.

When I say “God”, keep in mind that I never saw any visual representation of a person, a cross, or anything associated with religion. There was just an unmistakable knowing, a recognition of perfect coherence and total authority. This download of information lasted the entire length of time that the Moody Blues performed. Shortly before they were done, I asked (telepathically, as with all of our conversation that night), “Who are you exactly? God? Jesus? An Archangel?” The answer was simply, “I am the music.”

Soon I found myself sitting alone in the bleachers, the lights were back on, people were filing out, and my beckoning friends were standing beneath me, looking up with concerned expressions on their faces while I sat in shock and near tears feeling abandoned and heartbroken. Roughly 99% of what I had learned and experienced had been taken away, and I was certain that this was an intentional and permanent erasure. In recent years I have read and listened to many NDE stories, as I find strong resonance with my own experience, even though I have never flatlined or been severely injured. To say that this was a transformative experience seems trite but is nonetheless true.

I feel profound gratitude, and have no fear of dying. My gifts were increased thereafter, such as sensing other people's feelings and emotions, knowing who’s calling when the phone rings much of the time, and having strong empathy and love towards others.